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The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that Major-General Richard Hutton Davies, the first New Zealand officer to command a division in World War I, committed suicide in 1918?
That looks almost certain to be it - I've redirected the page and added the appropriate former-pupil catetegory. There's a few other examples of this shift with schools (Name College, Place turning into Place College), so I should have thought to look! Thanks. Shimgray | talk | 13:41, 23 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"On 3 October 1899 he" - "On 3 October 1899 Davies"
"but was shortly thereafter seconded to" - ". Shortly thereafter, he was seconded to..."
Generally, too much use of "He" and not enough of "Davies"; it's nice to break it up.
"returned home to command the Auckland Military District, but returned to South Africa " - "returned" twice, capitalise the succeeding "colonel" and link brevet for those unaware of military terminology.
Ranks consistified - all now lowercase unless used as part of a name.
"mentioned in despatches" - linked twice.
You might want to mention his lectures; "Universal military training to protect New Zealand", written as part of the Public Sub-Committee for Universal Military Training, for example. Ironholds (talk) 19:16, 20 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
All done (pretty much) as requested. I'll have a look at expanding his involvement with the military training movement (etc). Need to find some decent sources on early NZ military history, though. Shimgray | talk | 22:32, 28 June 2010 (UTC)[reply]
...and done, after an interlude! Shimgray | talk | 00:36, 22 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]