About my fucking awesome life

I watch porn every night. Check that, 24/7. My iguana licks my asshole while i masturbate. He has really sharp teeth and i like it. I shot semen at the ceiling fan and it got all over my room. So i made my iguana lick it all off, since he didn't consume the semen, I had to kill him. So then i bought i turtle. I found out that he had a brain tumor which made him retarded. So i killed him. I frequently eat road kill. I once ran over a deer and had sex with its corpse. I found out that the deer was pregnant and i took the fetus and raised it as my own. I own bag pipes and i like to play in the shower. I like the feeling of water flowing into my mouth through a tube. I have 23 sexual toys. I bought 3 gallons of lube. Dick. Dick. Dick. Sorry i have tourets. Im single and i loveit. I live with my mom. My dad breaks in the house now and then. I have to give him one penny for him to leave. I live under the stairs like harry potter. Except the only wond i have is my african american dildo. I wave it around pretending it's a wond. EXPELIAMUS!!!! I run up to kids and kick them in the shin and run away. If their parents run after me, i shoot their parents. I work for sewing company which is just me sewing for my grandma. I like to use my foot as a plunger. I love the feeling of the feces, not necessarily my own. I hate women. I'm gay. When i used to play football, i was piss in the water. I brought pot brownies to the cheer leading team. It wasn't pot, it was heroine. Then i got the cheer leading team to kill themselves.