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	The Original Barnstar
	Thank you for being kind and helpful. Your feedback has been invaluable and helped to improve "Lights Up' to FA. Regards, Viridian Bovary (talk) 11:21, 13 August 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Ojorojo, I hope you've been well. I was wondering if you'd possibly be able to look at Wikipedia:Peer review/I'm Goin' Down/archive1. In the past you helped me straighten out some technical points in music articles and I was wondering if you would be able to lend your expertise this time too. In particular in the Music section I have the sentence "It begins with a short guitar-based introduction featuring two string phrases" which in the source is "Its rock sound starts off with a strong introduction, giving prominence to the guitars (notably two string guitar phrases)". I think this is talking about the first approximately nine seconds of the song (before the drums kick in): [[1]]. It sounds like there are two guitars playing in the first nine seconds—is that is all that is meant? Or does it mean only two of the guitars' strings are played in the phrases? Depending on your answer, I may reword the text to make it clearer. Also any other feedback you might happen to ahve on the article would likewise be appreciated. Thank you! Moisejp (talk) 05:10, 4 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hello again. I know what the authors are saying, but their wording is awkward (French, non-guitarist/musician?). One guitar starts by playing the chords using only the root and fifth (the basis for power chords in other contexts), which they call "two string guitar phrases" (two notes can only be played simultaneously on two strings, so it really doesn't need to be stated; ). A second guitar comes in with fills or embellishments, which I don't think can be described as equally "prominent" or adding to a "strong introduction" (in this live version[2], Springsteen plays it alone, but stretches it out and adds a couple of licks that come in with the drums on the studio version). It sets the song up as a classic rocker – stripped down and driving (if you can find a source). Otherwise, maybe something like "It begins with a short guitar introduction, followed by Weinberg's heavy backbeat, and then the whole band and Springsteen's vocal come in." I'll look at the rest of it later. —Ojorojo (talk) 14:44, 4 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

• Thanks so much, Ojorojo! I'm to most likely rework that paragraph in the coming days based on your feedback. This is the writers' entire paragraph, by the way (can't remember if it is available online and hence if you may have seen it):

Its rock sound starts off with a strong introduction, giving prominence to the guitars (notably two string guitar phrases). This is followed by a strong rhythm section led by Max Weinberg and Gary Talient, who are both on top form. The snare drum bears the "Clearmountain" signature because of the way it cracks like a whip. He has clearly achieved a great mixing feat by creating an atmosphere typical of the times. At the keyboards, Danny Federici performs an excellent part on the Hammond B-3, the Leslie performing beautifully, and Roy Bittan accompanies his band mates with an equally astonishing piano. Clarence Clemons launches into a superb tenor saxophone solo, carried by a generous and space-like delay. The Boss and Miami Steve are on guitars, proving, if there ever was a need to, that both are excellent guitarists and too often underrated.

• As you can see in my current version, I used many elements of this (without all the heavy praise) but also fit in a bit of citing from other authors who mention the instrumentation. Moisejp (talk) 06:02, 5 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Their reliance on generalist terms like "top form", "great feat", "excellent part", "performing beautifully", "equally astonishing", "superb", etc., to describe technical parts is inconsistent with writers who are familiar with musical and recording concepts. For an encyclopedic article, I wouldn't put much emphasis on them.

This tab[3] shows the intro: one guitar is doing all of the rhythmic work on the lower frets, while the other is simply adding occasional fills on the higher frets of treble strings. As I think the live version clearly shows, one guitar can carry the whole intro. So, the "giving prominence to the guitars (notably two string guitar phrases)" is misleading.

—Ojorojo (talk) 14:24, 5 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

• Thank you very much Ojorojo. I had a chance just now to make something close to your suggested change. If anything else jumps out at you that I should alter, please let me know. Thanks again! Moisejp (talk) 05:18, 9 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

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